![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
[OOC] Essay!
AND THEN I WROTE AN ESSAY.
On Aather/being a knight
Silver works much better as a knight than he would on a team, simply because he's just not a team player. He has a tendency to ditch people without warning and run off on his own and is generally a private person. Part of this is just because he's naturally an introvert, but a lot of it is due to the fact that he's generally unsure of how to handle people. Which. I mean. From age two until around age six, he was confined to a compound with five other children and one crazy kidnapper, who put them through harsh training. And everyone wore masks the whole time. The only positive human interaction he's had for most of his life has been with Blue. And they love each other very much and I'm sure they took very good care of each other. The trouble with that, though, is that Blue's only three years older than Silver himself, meaning that she was all of five when she took it upon herself to be responsible for him. She's also not the best role model for healthy human interaction, since by age eleven she had learned that one of the best ways to manipulate people was through sex appeal. So even after the two of them escaped the Masked Man, their life wasn't anything resembling normal, being two children living on their own and and presumably supporting themselves through theft. Though Silver's aware of how "normal" people tend to interact and does a pretty good job of covering for his social awkwardness in casual conversation, dealing with people doesn't come naturally for him for pretty obvious reasons. He just doesn't have the foundation of "how does I people" that most kids grow up with.
This is something that isn't affected by his lack of memories. Silver never had a basis for normal human interaction, so amnesia isn't going to magically give him one. But what it has done is make him less closed off. He doesn't have the memories of psychological abuse or having to survive on his own that make him so cold and suspicious in canon. Because of this, he's more like his childhood self in that he tends towards uncertainty and shyness. It's obvious to him that for some reason he's pretty screwed up when it comes to dealing with people, but without the knowledge of why, he's less likely to push them away. Plus, Aather being a closed space makes it difficult to brush people off even if wants to. As a result, people end up seeing more of his awkwardness. And it doesn't help that the memories he's gotten back are super confusing re: himself.
Even in canon, Silver tends to agonize over who he is and what fate has in store for him. He's pretty good at putting himself down and condemning himself as a bad person! His initial reaction to learning his father's identity is a pretty good example of this. In Aather, he's pretty much had two types of memories: one where it's obvious he's a criminal and has done bad things in pursuit of his goals, and one where he's doing heroic things with close comrades. It's very difficult for him to resolve the two in his mind. He's a bad person! But there are good people who care about him and believe in him! HOW DOES THIS WORK! He's super prepared to be judged for his actions in one of his memories -- the end of the GSC arc -- and this isn't lost on him in Aather. This is one of the reasons he hasn't told anyone about the other skill he got for joining Onyx (his thievery skills) and has just been letting everyone believe all he received was Sneasel. He has no idea how people will react.
This is also related to why he's so serious about his role as a knight. He throws himself into it as a mission because he's afraid of what he would do otherwise. Hilariously, his recent thread with Paul where Paul just couldn't understand why Silver wouldn't go home if he had the chance really hammered this home. Part of Silver really, really would like to be selfish and ditch everyone and seize the opportunity to go home if it ever arose. And he's honestly scared he might give in to that impulse. Everything Paul said made perfect sense to him (of course it did, they're AU twins based on the same character). But that's exactly the kind of thing Silver condemns himself for and sees as evidence of his weakness and tendency towards darkness. And he's afraid of what his friends at home would say! He knows Gold, for example, wouldn't abandon Aather. So it's that kind of thing that makes him push himself to embrace being a knight and everything it entails. If he's taking hits for a team, if he's helping out, then he's not giving in to that weakness inside himself.
Other stuff that didn't fit in above
This might seem obvious, but as a Pokémon character, Silver has a very skewed view of what's appropriate for children and what isn't. He won't bat an eye at preteens traveling, fighting, and taking on heavy responsibility -- that's normal in his world. Because of this, and because of the conspicuous lack of adults in his memories so far, any age-related politics of interaction in Aather are just going to confuse and annoy him. Sure, the more experienced and stronger should look out for the less experienced and weaker -- even among the Pokédex holders, there's a measure of seniority and respect accorded to one's sempai -- but that shouldn't necessarily have anything to do with age. With that added to his generally independent nature, Silver is just not impressed by anyone who he feels like is talking down to him or trying to take responsibility for him because of his age.
Silver is so glad to have Sneasel back. Even though he doesn't remember all the details of their relationship, he knows he had Sneasel even in the earliest memory he's gotten back, which makes him kind of like a Pokémon security blanket. Because of this, he's pretty hesitant to actually use Sneasel in battle -- it's not like Aather has a Pokécenter. As a side note, I've been playing it as though Sneasel's memories have been somewhat affected by Aather as well, because otherwise psychics could use him pull out information that Silver's forgotten (it happens in canon!).
The idea that someone could remember something about him before he does kind of terrifies Silver. He doesn't like the idea of people knowing things about him that he can't control. Basically, at his core, he's a bit of a control freak. This is one of the reasons he's pretty awkward around Yellow. She shows up in his memories, so he knows they're at least acquaintances, but he doesn't know the details of their relationship and doesn't want to do or say anything that he'll regret when he remembers more. There's a constant level of "what does she know about me" that worries him as well.
On Aather/being a knight
Silver works much better as a knight than he would on a team, simply because he's just not a team player. He has a tendency to ditch people without warning and run off on his own and is generally a private person. Part of this is just because he's naturally an introvert, but a lot of it is due to the fact that he's generally unsure of how to handle people. Which. I mean. From age two until around age six, he was confined to a compound with five other children and one crazy kidnapper, who put them through harsh training. And everyone wore masks the whole time. The only positive human interaction he's had for most of his life has been with Blue. And they love each other very much and I'm sure they took very good care of each other. The trouble with that, though, is that Blue's only three years older than Silver himself, meaning that she was all of five when she took it upon herself to be responsible for him. She's also not the best role model for healthy human interaction, since by age eleven she had learned that one of the best ways to manipulate people was through sex appeal. So even after the two of them escaped the Masked Man, their life wasn't anything resembling normal, being two children living on their own and and presumably supporting themselves through theft. Though Silver's aware of how "normal" people tend to interact and does a pretty good job of covering for his social awkwardness in casual conversation, dealing with people doesn't come naturally for him for pretty obvious reasons. He just doesn't have the foundation of "how does I people" that most kids grow up with.
This is something that isn't affected by his lack of memories. Silver never had a basis for normal human interaction, so amnesia isn't going to magically give him one. But what it has done is make him less closed off. He doesn't have the memories of psychological abuse or having to survive on his own that make him so cold and suspicious in canon. Because of this, he's more like his childhood self in that he tends towards uncertainty and shyness. It's obvious to him that for some reason he's pretty screwed up when it comes to dealing with people, but without the knowledge of why, he's less likely to push them away. Plus, Aather being a closed space makes it difficult to brush people off even if wants to. As a result, people end up seeing more of his awkwardness. And it doesn't help that the memories he's gotten back are super confusing re: himself.
Even in canon, Silver tends to agonize over who he is and what fate has in store for him. He's pretty good at putting himself down and condemning himself as a bad person! His initial reaction to learning his father's identity is a pretty good example of this. In Aather, he's pretty much had two types of memories: one where it's obvious he's a criminal and has done bad things in pursuit of his goals, and one where he's doing heroic things with close comrades. It's very difficult for him to resolve the two in his mind. He's a bad person! But there are good people who care about him and believe in him! HOW DOES THIS WORK! He's super prepared to be judged for his actions in one of his memories -- the end of the GSC arc -- and this isn't lost on him in Aather. This is one of the reasons he hasn't told anyone about the other skill he got for joining Onyx (his thievery skills) and has just been letting everyone believe all he received was Sneasel. He has no idea how people will react.
This is also related to why he's so serious about his role as a knight. He throws himself into it as a mission because he's afraid of what he would do otherwise. Hilariously, his recent thread with Paul where Paul just couldn't understand why Silver wouldn't go home if he had the chance really hammered this home. Part of Silver really, really would like to be selfish and ditch everyone and seize the opportunity to go home if it ever arose. And he's honestly scared he might give in to that impulse. Everything Paul said made perfect sense to him (of course it did, they're AU twins based on the same character). But that's exactly the kind of thing Silver condemns himself for and sees as evidence of his weakness and tendency towards darkness. And he's afraid of what his friends at home would say! He knows Gold, for example, wouldn't abandon Aather. So it's that kind of thing that makes him push himself to embrace being a knight and everything it entails. If he's taking hits for a team, if he's helping out, then he's not giving in to that weakness inside himself.
Other stuff that didn't fit in above
This might seem obvious, but as a Pokémon character, Silver has a very skewed view of what's appropriate for children and what isn't. He won't bat an eye at preteens traveling, fighting, and taking on heavy responsibility -- that's normal in his world. Because of this, and because of the conspicuous lack of adults in his memories so far, any age-related politics of interaction in Aather are just going to confuse and annoy him. Sure, the more experienced and stronger should look out for the less experienced and weaker -- even among the Pokédex holders, there's a measure of seniority and respect accorded to one's sempai -- but that shouldn't necessarily have anything to do with age. With that added to his generally independent nature, Silver is just not impressed by anyone who he feels like is talking down to him or trying to take responsibility for him because of his age.
Silver is so glad to have Sneasel back. Even though he doesn't remember all the details of their relationship, he knows he had Sneasel even in the earliest memory he's gotten back, which makes him kind of like a Pokémon security blanket. Because of this, he's pretty hesitant to actually use Sneasel in battle -- it's not like Aather has a Pokécenter. As a side note, I've been playing it as though Sneasel's memories have been somewhat affected by Aather as well, because otherwise psychics could use him pull out information that Silver's forgotten (it happens in canon!).
The idea that someone could remember something about him before he does kind of terrifies Silver. He doesn't like the idea of people knowing things about him that he can't control. Basically, at his core, he's a bit of a control freak. This is one of the reasons he's pretty awkward around Yellow. She shows up in his memories, so he knows they're at least acquaintances, but he doesn't know the details of their relationship and doesn't want to do or say anything that he'll regret when he remembers more. There's a constant level of "what does she know about me" that worries him as well.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
...make her buwah, but unforseeable things would have to happen before she decides to think of him as a horrible person.
BY THE WAY! Silver=Giovanni's kid aaaaaand maybe the memory where he confesses he was doing stuff with Lance, should I put that on the do not give list for Yellow?
no subject
The Lance thing is fine, but yeah, locking the Giovanni memory for now might be good. I appreciate ittttt.
no subject
...also, I find it kind of funny Silver is awkward with her when she actually finds him comforting. Just...something to be familiar, even if only extremely vaguely.